Follow Up...A Year Later!

            It has been about a year since my last blog post. It’s like I just dropped off the face of the earth. You can call it a little ashamed, hiding, getting my mind right, etc… As most of you know, I was training for a figure competition that was to take place in June. I made my decision to stop competing for it the first weekend of May, just five weeks out from the show. I had been training for about 5 months and had ONLY five weeks to go before I was to hit the stage. When I made the decision to stop training for it, it had felt like an elephant was lifted off my shoulders, literally! I had been struggling the last couple weeks prior to my decision. I secretly binged a couple times (ate wayyyy too many cookies…ONE cookie was NOT even in my diet) and I didn’t tell a soul. I was exhausted, drained, and depressed every day. Every single day seemed like a chore. Our business was starting to really pick up and I was still nannying 35+ hours a week so I had to be on my A-game every day but it just wasn’t happening for me anymore.

                At least once a week the last few weeks before making my final decision, I cried and was consoled by either my trainer, my husband, or one of my best friends. All encouraging me to keep going, it’s “only” 5,6,7 more weeks. But do what makes you happy. I specifically remember, it was a Saturday and my husband and I got up and went to the gym as usual. He was done with his workout and came up to me on the stairmaster. I of course had about 40 more minutes to do on top of having to go back later that evening for another 45 minute cardio session. He informed me that we had some friends getting together that evening. Great, I thought to myself, I’ll pack my fish and veggies and put on a happy face…after my second cardio session. I finished that session, walked in the door, sat on the floor in front of my husband with a protein shake in hand and said, “I’ve thought about this long and hard and I’m done. I mentally can’t do this anymore. It has taken a toll on me and my relationships and I’ve decided my happiness is worth more.”

                What did I decide to do about an hour later…go stuff my face with a philly cheesesteak from Bub’s AND tater-tots! I’m sure I know what you’re thinking…yep, I got REALLLLLLY SICK!!! My stomach was cramping really bad not even halfway through my cheesesteak but I continued eating anyway. I literally almost had to be carried home! (Matt can attest to this!)

                I emailed my trainer later that day and let her know of my decision. I was pretty embarrassed. A part of me felt like I failed at something that I really had given my all to. She responded immediately and completely understood where I was coming from! That really helped ease my mind. (Too bad it couldn’t ease my stomach!)

                Just like what I should’ve done had I made it to the stage, I should have eased back into eating larger more complex meals but I didn’t. My brain and body felt like they had been deprived of sugar and bad foods for so long that for the next couple weeks if I had a craving, I gave it to my stomach! Cookies, a burger, carne asada nachos, etc… About a month later, I was extremely confused! What now? Do I cut back on the cardio? Do I still lift heavy? What do I eat? Do I still weigh my food? What I did know was that I wasn’t happy with my body anymore…now I had muscle that was covered up and I felt puffy. When you get in the habit of practicing posing every weekend and taking pictures, why wouldn’t I continue to judge myself when looking in the mirror even when not training for a show?! I picked apart every part of my body for months! I overanalyzed myself just like I did when prepping for the show. Head to toe and toe to head… I tried Barre for two months, enjoyed it but didn’t get the results I wanted. I then started running more and lifting less and measuring my food again. I was pretty happy with myself right up to my wedding. We then went on our honeymoon for two weeks and when we got back, our bodies were so jetlagged and our metabolism was off that then again, everything was that much harder. I then started doing cardio 45-60 minutes 6 days a week and lifting 3. I was also probably only eating about 1200 calories. This worked for me up to the wedding so I figured it would now. Not so much…

                It was time for me to consult my trainer again. She greeted me with open arms! Matt and I plan on starting to try to have kids next summer so I knew that I needed to get my head right before we start that journey. My trainer is currently pregnant and was going through some of the body issues that I thought I would go through come getting pregnant so she was able to relate to me 100%. When training for a show, fruit and sugary vegetables are NOT in the meal plan. Because I was so confused on what and what not to do, I’ve since viewed those foods as “bad” and haven’t been eating them. That’s just one issue I’ve had since stopping training. My trainer wrote me up a great nutrition plan and strength training plan to get my back in the game. It really wasn’t hard to follow her advice as it had all worked before and I trusted the process. I went back to eating 5-6 meals a day and lifting 4-5 days a week. She also informed that there would be absolutely no cardio for at least 2 months and caffeine only once a day. What the heck was I going to do, I thought. It took about 2 weeks to adjust to the no cardio routine. But I ended up enjoying not doing it! I saw more results in my body in 3-4 weeks then I had the 6 months prior to my wedding. I always thought that “some” type of cardio had to be done often to stay in shape but turns out that’s not the case at all. I was pushing my body so hard that it wasn’t even responding anymore. I had to keep dropping calories and increasing cardio to get results. Kristi showed me that not only is that unhealthy (clearly) but not the way to get the results I wanted. I currently lift four days a week and do cardio 3x a week for only 20 minutes each time. I still eat 5 meals a day, drink caffeine once a day and try to sleep 8 hours a day. My weight hasn’t budged much at all but that’s not what I was going for. I wanted to build more muscle but lean out and that is exactly what my body has done the last several months. I am so much happier physically and mentally and wouldn’t have been able to do it on my own!