Follow Up...A Year Later!

            It has been about a year since my last blog post. It’s like I just dropped off the face of the earth. You can call it a little ashamed, hiding, getting my mind right, etc… As most of you know, I was training for a figure competition that was to take place in June. I made my decision to stop competing for it the first weekend of May, just five weeks out from the show. I had been training for about 5 months and had ONLY five weeks to go before I was to hit the stage. When I made the decision to stop training for it, it had felt like an elephant was lifted off my shoulders, literally! I had been struggling the last couple weeks prior to my decision. I secretly binged a couple times (ate wayyyy too many cookies…ONE cookie was NOT even in my diet) and I didn’t tell a soul. I was exhausted, drained, and depressed every day. Every single day seemed like a chore. Our business was starting to really pick up and I was still nannying 35+ hours a week so I had to be on my A-game every day but it just wasn’t happening for me anymore.

                At least once a week the last few weeks before making my final decision, I cried and was consoled by either my trainer, my husband, or one of my best friends. All encouraging me to keep going, it’s “only” 5,6,7 more weeks. But do what makes you happy. I specifically remember, it was a Saturday and my husband and I got up and went to the gym as usual. He was done with his workout and came up to me on the stairmaster. I of course had about 40 more minutes to do on top of having to go back later that evening for another 45 minute cardio session. He informed me that we had some friends getting together that evening. Great, I thought to myself, I’ll pack my fish and veggies and put on a happy face…after my second cardio session. I finished that session, walked in the door, sat on the floor in front of my husband with a protein shake in hand and said, “I’ve thought about this long and hard and I’m done. I mentally can’t do this anymore. It has taken a toll on me and my relationships and I’ve decided my happiness is worth more.”

                What did I decide to do about an hour later…go stuff my face with a philly cheesesteak from Bub’s AND tater-tots! I’m sure I know what you’re thinking…yep, I got REALLLLLLY SICK!!! My stomach was cramping really bad not even halfway through my cheesesteak but I continued eating anyway. I literally almost had to be carried home! (Matt can attest to this!)

                I emailed my trainer later that day and let her know of my decision. I was pretty embarrassed. A part of me felt like I failed at something that I really had given my all to. She responded immediately and completely understood where I was coming from! That really helped ease my mind. (Too bad it couldn’t ease my stomach!)

                Just like what I should’ve done had I made it to the stage, I should have eased back into eating larger more complex meals but I didn’t. My brain and body felt like they had been deprived of sugar and bad foods for so long that for the next couple weeks if I had a craving, I gave it to my stomach! Cookies, a burger, carne asada nachos, etc… About a month later, I was extremely confused! What now? Do I cut back on the cardio? Do I still lift heavy? What do I eat? Do I still weigh my food? What I did know was that I wasn’t happy with my body anymore…now I had muscle that was covered up and I felt puffy. When you get in the habit of practicing posing every weekend and taking pictures, why wouldn’t I continue to judge myself when looking in the mirror even when not training for a show?! I picked apart every part of my body for months! I overanalyzed myself just like I did when prepping for the show. Head to toe and toe to head… I tried Barre for two months, enjoyed it but didn’t get the results I wanted. I then started running more and lifting less and measuring my food again. I was pretty happy with myself right up to my wedding. We then went on our honeymoon for two weeks and when we got back, our bodies were so jetlagged and our metabolism was off that then again, everything was that much harder. I then started doing cardio 45-60 minutes 6 days a week and lifting 3. I was also probably only eating about 1200 calories. This worked for me up to the wedding so I figured it would now. Not so much…

                It was time for me to consult my trainer again. She greeted me with open arms! Matt and I plan on starting to try to have kids next summer so I knew that I needed to get my head right before we start that journey. My trainer is currently pregnant and was going through some of the body issues that I thought I would go through come getting pregnant so she was able to relate to me 100%. When training for a show, fruit and sugary vegetables are NOT in the meal plan. Because I was so confused on what and what not to do, I’ve since viewed those foods as “bad” and haven’t been eating them. That’s just one issue I’ve had since stopping training. My trainer wrote me up a great nutrition plan and strength training plan to get my back in the game. It really wasn’t hard to follow her advice as it had all worked before and I trusted the process. I went back to eating 5-6 meals a day and lifting 4-5 days a week. She also informed that there would be absolutely no cardio for at least 2 months and caffeine only once a day. What the heck was I going to do, I thought. It took about 2 weeks to adjust to the no cardio routine. But I ended up enjoying not doing it! I saw more results in my body in 3-4 weeks then I had the 6 months prior to my wedding. I always thought that “some” type of cardio had to be done often to stay in shape but turns out that’s not the case at all. I was pushing my body so hard that it wasn’t even responding anymore. I had to keep dropping calories and increasing cardio to get results. Kristi showed me that not only is that unhealthy (clearly) but not the way to get the results I wanted. I currently lift four days a week and do cardio 3x a week for only 20 minutes each time. I still eat 5 meals a day, drink caffeine once a day and try to sleep 8 hours a day. My weight hasn’t budged much at all but that’s not what I was going for. I wanted to build more muscle but lean out and that is exactly what my body has done the last several months. I am so much happier physically and mentally and wouldn’t have been able to do it on my own!

Eye on the Prize!

It sounds so cheesy but it's something I try to remind myself everyday I start to feel a little down. "Eye on the prize!" For me, this means looking at photos of figure competitors and comparing my photos from when I first started to where I am now.

I received a few texts over the last couple days asking me what I do to stay on track and if it's worth it. I have a feeling people might have thought that I was flying through this transformation piece of cake (yummm! Bad reference!) Yesterday was one of those not so good days. I couldn't understand it! I had a great workout with my trainer, a great morning cardio sesssion, a little foot massage with one of my best friends and yet but day was still blah! I couldn't snap out of it. To the point that I came home at 5:00 and slept for a couple hours before pulling myself together and walking to the gym for my second cardio session. The second I stepped on that stepmill, it was like something shocked me, "You're here now, make it count!" is what I heard in my head! So what did I do...45 minutes of hard intervals! It felt so good during and after! I like to play this little game with myself while I'm on there. Stay on there longer than the people on the sides of you. (Accomplished!) Obviously 45 minutes is somewhat of an abnormal amount of time for cardio so people on the sides of me turns into a couple people getting in their cardio session but who cares...I outlasted them! When someone new gets on with a lot of intensity (obviously because they just started out) pretend like they are giving you some of their energy. Or, if you're pretending it's a race, someone is on your heels. Just keep going!  It's a mental game to keep you going. Then I look at all the other cardio equipment (the cardio equipment at my gym is all together) and even though the gym starts clearing out at 8:00pm, I kept telling myself, you're winning! You're winning! Hey, whatever it takes! Pretend it's a race...even though you are your fiercest competitor, liven it up a little! It may feel like everyone else is out there having fun, relaxed, enjoying themselves in food and alcohol but it's okay for us to be selfish for a little while. In turn, this will make us so much happier. And who are we trying to please anyway?! No one but yourself! So even though you are having a rough day, push yourself, even a little bit! I guarantee you will feel better!!

6 more weeks!

I am currently six weeks out from showtime! Oh, how I thought this day would never come! haha

My body is truly being pushed to the limits! Due to work and other commitments I have been waking up between 4am-5am every weekday to get my cardio in! Here is what this week looks like for me workout wise:
Monday- 45 minutes HIIT stepmill AM and PM
Tuesday- Train back and 45 minutes HIIT stepmill AM and PM
Wednesday- Train shoulders and 25 minutes of HIIT stepmill and 35 minutes treadmill (Level 3.5/ Incline 10)
Thursday- Train legs and 25 minutes of HIIT stepmill and 35 minutes treadmill (Level 3.5/ Incline 10)
Friday- 45 minutes HIIT stepmill AM and 45 minutes stemill PM
Saturday- Train upper body and 45 minutes HIIT stepmill AM and 45 minutes stemill PM
Sunday- Train legs and 25 minutes HIIT stepmill 6-8 hours after legs

YES...you read that correctly...not a day off! I also haven't had a high carb day since early last week so I'm reallllly looking forward to a full bagel and some extra rice tomorrow! My body aches, my muscles are sore, and I would love to get a little more sleep. However, at the same time, my adrenaline is flowing each and everyday for this competition. ONLY six more weeks I keep telling myself! I have been training since mid-November so it has been about five months and now I only have six weeks left! I can do this! There is definitely no giving up now!

Last Thursday, I met a seamstress that makes competition suits! This was really really exciting! It was like it was really official! I am doing this show and I'm having a custom suit made! Here is a picture of the fabric swatch I chose. I will be picking up the suit next Thursday and bedazzling it myself. I'm currently working on the design!

It's too bad that this is all almost done because I feel like I've FINALLY gotten into a routine of shopping (at Costco), cooking 1-2 times/week for the entire week, prepping the night before for the next day, getting to bed at a decent hour, and waking up ready to go! Below are a few pictures I wanted to share...

I eat 6 egg whites and 1/3 cup of oatmeal for breakfast, 1 cup of egg beaters blended with instant coffee, splenda, and sugar free syrup post workout, and then 5 meals of white fish (tilapia or tuna) and a cup of veggies. The picture is of the five main meals.

The first column is from about a month ago. The second column is from Saturday. Note: I weigh 1.5 lbs more in the photos from Saturday. See what more muscle tone and less fat can look like! Feels good!! (I know...I need a tan!)

"My strength lies solely in my tenacity."

I didn't write a blog last week because I had NO idea what to write about. It was just one of those "eh weeks". This week...whole different story. It was more than an "eh week"...it was a "I want to give up, I can't do this, no way do I want to keep going, give me ice cream and cookies and french fries and bread and let me sit in my room, by myself, and stuff my face kind of week"!! And guess what, on Friday, I would have been MORE than okay with that!


I had a bad couple of days toward the end of the week. Nothing in particular, just in a mood. The end of the weeks are always the hardest for me. Monday starts off great, I see my trainer Tuesday through Thursday and Thursday evening is when the exhaustion kicks in. Friday is always pretty miserable but starting off Saturday morning with a great gym session definitely spruces things up. The weekend goes by okay and then Monday I'm off to a great start again! Sounds a little bi-polar, I know, but it is what I've been feeling for about the last three months and at this point, I'm just embracing it as it is what it is.


It was Friday afternoon and it was pouring rain outside. Food consumed my every thought! Yogurtland with chunks of cookie dough and cheesecake pieces, donuts, carne asada nachos, french fries, cookies, red velvet cupcakes, anything and EVERYTHING  that had to do with food was taking over every inch of my brain! I can't do this! I thought to myself. As soon as I'm done here, I'm going to Yogurtland, getting a heaping thing of yogurt and treats, going home, crawling under the covers, and devouring the whole thing! Savoring every single bite and not feeling a bit guilty! I have never thought about food, and crappy food, in the way I think about it now! You would think that I was a heavy kid growing up and I was in the process of going back to my old ways. It's pretty sad actually! Well, as I let those thoughts take over my every brain cell, I started crying. I couldn't hold it in anymore. I sent one of my best friend's a text that read, "I'm depressed...don't think I want to do this competition anymore!!" She called me within a second and literally talked me down from the ledge! She reminded me how long I have been wanting to do this. How much time and energy I have put into this training. How hard I've worked! The results I've seen! And yet, on my side of the phone, all I could do was cry. Cry to the point that I couldn't breathe enough to even get a word out. So I just listened. She told me how proud she was of me and how I only had a short period of time left and reminded me that I've been doing this since November!! Why stop now she asked. I said, "I just want to eat! I want to do what everyone else is doing and not feel guilty about it. Maybe I'm okay with the way my body is now. Maybe I don't need to get to into "figure show shape". Maybe I'll just keep training hard but if I want to eat, gosh darn it I'm going to eat!" She then spoke some more while I cried and listened. As soon as we got off the phone I text my trainer. Her and I text back and forth for a bit and then talked later on. She let me know her struggles that she went and still goes through at times. How it's totally normal to feel this way and to share my every thought with her. She let me know that I'm not crazy or bipolar and she too reminded me how far I've come. She allowed me a cheat meal on Friday night to ease my mind and it would also speed up my metabolism and shock my body. But eight weeks out, I was slightly worried this would hurt me. She said, "It will do more good at the point then bad." So Matt and I went to Fleming's and had an extremely guilt-less meal! Bread, salad, steak, potatoes, and carrot cake for dessert! My stomach you ask?...well that didn't feel too great that night and in the morning...I felt so puffy and dehydrated BUT the meal was delicious, the company was even better, and the workout I had that morning was fantastic! Kristi, my trainer, checked on me Saturday afternoon and reminded me again of everything she did before. I then went grocery shopping and stocked up on all the essentials and have been cooking the last couple days so that I'm prepared to take on the week!


I have eight more weeks (sounds so much shorter than two months!)! I can do this! Erika was right, I can do this because I have wanted this for so long!! Why give up now?! I would be so upset with myself later if I gave up, especially, being this close. I may have one more breakdown, I may have eight, who knows?! But at the end, on June 9, it will ALL be worth it!




"When you feel like giving up, remember why you held on for so long in the first place."

Dedication and Perseverance

As I contemplated on what to write this blog about a few things crossed my mind. At first I was worried about training for a figure competition to come across as annoying or negative. I don't want anyone to read this blog or any past or future blog and think, "Now why on earth are you doing that to yourself?" Or when hearing me talk about it to think that I'm portraying it in a negative light. Then I realized that I was over thinking this "blog" and just needed to write from the heart.

I am in no way complaining about training for this nor talking negative on it. Heck, I chose to do this! This is a choice and I could technically quit whenever I feel like it. There is no doubt that I could (and sometimes want to) go to the store and buy a dozen cookies and eat them ALL or get a huge Philly cheesesteak and devour it in under 5 minutes but I then have to remind myself, what will that accomplish? That may satisfy a craving during consumption and for about 2 minutes afterwards but what will I feel like on the inside? What will my insides be doing? You see, when you consume sugar (whether it be in sweets or in bread) your insulin levels spike which then sends your body in to fat storage mode. For what I'm trying to accomplish, this is not good! Let me tell you what a typical food diary currently looks like for me:

Meal 1: 3/4 cup of oatmeal w/ 1tbsp flax and 2tsp splenda
1 scoop of protein powder (shake)
Meal 2: 1 scoop of protein powder mixed with coffee.
Meal 3: 5 oz Turkey and Veggies
Meal 4: 5 oz Tilapia and Veggies
Meal 5: 5 oz Turkey and Veggies
Meal 6: 5 oz Tilapia and Veggies
Meal 7: 6 Egg Whites and 2 oz lean red meat

There is a regimen to get your body ready to compete on stage and I have ten weeks to go. Some days are a heck of a lot harder than others. Other days I have an insane amount of energy and fly through my workouts without thinking twice. Training for this has been one huge emotional roller coaster. (And you don't want to catch me when I'm at the bottom!) It seems that when I'm starting to have doubts I end up receiving a text or email with encouraging words which reminds me to keep on pushing. 30-45 minutes, twice a day, on either the stairstepper or the treadmill is actually doing wonders for getting my mind right! In the beginning, going back to the gym for that second cardio session almost seemed like a chore. Now, I welcome it! As my trainer recently blogged about, I close my eyes and visualize myself on stage, making each quarter turn flawlessly, smiling and having fun!

I would have to say that in the beginning, not being able to eat whatever I wanted was the most difficult part. Now that that craving is pretty much curbed, time management has been the hardest part. However, there is no "time management" when the only things there seems to be time for are to eat, work and workout. I feel that the person that has an even harder time then the one training is the one they live with, are dating, or married to. They didn't make the decision to train for a show, to have a limited diet, to only go eat at certain places at certain times, to go to the gym almost every single day commit to a 1-2 hour session! And yet, they're sucked in! Matt and I have had to make time and we are slowly figuring it out. On Sunday, he came to the gym with me and we did an insane leg workout and he even did my cardio with me afterwards! Now, that's Quality Time (and love)!


My clear stripper heels arrive last week and I've been eyeing up suits! I've decided to have a plain suit made for me and then I will bedazzle it myself with my own design. This will be time consuming but it will help me keep my mind off other things in between meals and it will give me an even bigger sign of accomplishment come showtime!

10.5 weeks out!

WOW!... what a lot of working out and extremely clean eating does to the body! 

So I have been training for this figure competition since November 2011 and I'm currently 10.5 weeks out from showtime!! Here are some updated photos!

                     

Just Do It!

I had a moment this weekend that I'm not particularly proud of but I want to share because it will just give you a small glimpse of what training for a Figure Competition is like. All those common mottos you may here, "It may not be easy, but it's worth it!" "Just do it!" "Shut up and do it!" The list goes on and on...yet not one of those could have pulled my head out from where it was from this weekend.

The weeks are fairly easy for me. I wake up, workout almost instantly, work, get all my meals in every 2-3 hours, go back to the gym for cardio, and call it a night. Once Saturday and Sunday hit, all of this becomes a little more difficult. I start off the day great...we wake up, eat a healthy breakfast, get an amazing workout in at the gym, then go home and refuel. Dun dun dun...around noon is when it's time to start errands and/or meet up with friends to do something. This means packing a cooler/bag of my meals for the next 2-6 hours. I'm not going to lie, this is somewhat of a pain! When you don't have a fridge to keep your food in and a microwave to heat it up before eating it, it can become pretty redundant and annoying. Wouldn't it just be easier to drive through Chick-filet, swing by Yogurtland, grab a sandwich at Henry's?? I mean, that's what Matt's doing and he looks great! For what I'm doing though, these things are not realistic.

I will leave out the details but Saturday was a rough one for me. I was around friends and everyone around me was having a fantastic time, why couldn't I let loose and enjoy their company? Well, my meals were spaced out a little bit more than they should have been and while everyone else was enjoying a cold beer and snacking on whatever their heart chose, I was munching on cold chicken out of a tupperware. Spacing my meals out 5 minutes longer then they normally are (and that's not an exaggeration), things not going as planned, sweets only an inch from my face and yet I can't touch them, these things literally drive me nuts! And who gets to reap the emotional roller coaster this journey has taken me on...my lovely fiance!

I was humbled today when my trainer told me that she too goes through these spurts. You start to wonder why you're doing this, you question yourself, you cry, you yell, you're tired, you think of excuses... Talking with her today helped and brought me back to why I started all this. It's a challenge, to myself. I've wanted to do one of these for a LONG time! Matt also reminded me of that yesterday. I've been training for this since November, I have 12 weeks left, why stop now? Because it's getting hard? Because it's different? I've seen changes, I continue to see change, it's ONLY 12 more weeks. I'm going to push through this! I'm going to Just Do It!